I had no idea what boundaries were until well into my 30's. Saying no to someone else, what the heck is that like?
Boundaries were like a foreign language I had no idea how to interpret. They were something I saw as negative, selfish, and inconsiderate. Honestly, I hadn't been taught anything different. I never thought of boundaries as part of being a healthy human or an option because it meant I'd be disappointing someone else for my own needs... and that was just unimaginable.
As a chronic people pleaser, I was burnt out from my relationships, my job, and the pressure I'd put on myself because pleasing others and seeking acceptance was my life. Not having boundaries allowed people to freely take advantage of my energy and time, something that I didn't see as valuable, which led me to believe I wasn't valuable. I said "yes" when I didn't want to therefore sacrifice myself instead. I didn't have a connection to myself because I was constantly bending for others, putting myself last on the list with no knowledge of what my personal needs were.
Truth is, we absolutely need boundaries. They're what help us stay true to ourselves.
Boundaries are often seen as harsh and rule-setting but they're really a form of self-love, self-care. They teach us how to love ourselves and others how to love us better
It’s about knowing your core values and what matters most in your life and protecting those values
Creates sacred and clear guidelines that are established in all forms of relationships
You’ll know when a boundary is overstepped because you’re likely to suddenly feel triggered emotionally, within your body." we often deny this feeling and push it down or ignore it
Without boundaries - people can take advantage of you which remove you out of safety
You can be pressured into doing something that doesn’t align with you or what you want
Why most people don't create boundaries in relationships
You had no idea they were a thing - you came from a family who never fought or clearly communicated or had unhealthy boundaries - boundaries are something that is taught and learned
Fear of losing someone - you act a certain way or stop being yourself in order or to keep someone
Low self-worth - you don’t believe you deserve love or are worthy of love or boundaries. You constantly put others before yourself. You allow people to take advantage of you like a doormat
People-pleasing - this goes hand in hand with the previous but you don’t want to disappoint or upset anyone so you continue to take whatever is given
The best way to set boundaries for yourself is to take the time to make them. Do an assessment of your life and where you need--- to honour and conserve your time and energy. This isn't about being selfish, it's about showing yourself some love and respect.
What do boundaries look like for me? Take a look...
My Self Care Boundaries
No drinking on work nights
Journal or engage in a self-care activity at least once per day for 15 min even if I'm in a relationship
Meditate for at least 5 min per day and at least 30 min outside every day
Spend one night a week hanging out with my friends even if I’m in a relationship
Turning off my phone and head for 1 hr before bed so that I can sleep better
My Dating Boundaries
Do not engage with people who send inappropriate texts or pictures without my permission
Always meet in a public place
No sleeping with someone until your serious
Only date people who are intentional about starting a committed relationship
If it doesn't feel good... don't do it
My Relationship Boundaries
Choose respect always - No yelling, emotional or physical abuse
One date night a week with no distractions
Be vulnerable and open
Have hobbies & life outside of the relationship
Implement a communication strategy plan
Learning about boundaries and how I could set them for myself was the most loving thing I could have done for myself. It allowed me to take back my power, give myself infinite value and be able to love myself and others more fiercely. It meant I was putting more energy and time into the life I wanted to create.
If you could create more time for yourself by saying no to the things that you don't want and replace them with things you do ... how would your life change? I'm willing to bet, it'd change a lot.
Are you ready to stop the tape?
It's time to rewrite YOUR story.
It's time to become the HERO of your own epic adventure.
EMBARK ON YOUR INNER ADVENTURE NOW.