Every day, we make choices that hold some measure of risk, whether we're conscious of it or not. We choose to drink coffee or tea, we choose a new route to go to work, we choose to eat our healthy salad or duck out at lunch for a juicy burger. Low-risk choices are just that ... low risk. But what about when it comes to the big stuff like relationships? What if we're choosing comfort over what we know isn't what we truly desire? What if we're choosing to quiet those inner voices telling us to leave but we continue to stay? What if we love our partner but are scared to hurt them? Why is the risk of choosing ourselves so damn hard?
Our choices are made for a variety of reasons but usually, we make them because that's how we've been conditioned, it's what we've always done, or what we've always accepted. We don't actively choose our wants and desires because we're scared of what will happen when we do. We're scared we'll lose a partner and the life that we've built. We're scared of how others will perceive us and more importantly, how we'll feel about ourselves. When you have responsibilities, a career, relationships, and a family that take precedence it's easy to get distracted and use them as excuses. But instead of doing what you've always done, what if you just choose what feels right to you?
Choosing yourself is never choosing wrong.
In my experience of relationships, choosing myself has always been an uphill climb because it felt selfish and inconsiderate. I fought so hard for my relationships that weren't working even if it meant sacrificing myself. I wanted so badly to make my partner happy and would completely disregard my needs in order to cater to theirs. I didn't want to disappoint my partner because I loved them. Fighting for something that wasn't working was taking away minutes, months, or in my case years from something that could.
Our inner navigation system knows better than our mind where our life is headed. Our mind fights against what we know to be true and ignores the signals that are trying to get our attention out of fear. That's why we get caught in a cycle of anxiety because we're scared of what the outcome will be when we do make that choice. Some of these questions might sound familiar to you.
What if I hurt my partner's feelings or disappoint others around me?
When it comes to any type of human interaction, there's always someone who doesn't agree with your choices. Denying your own happiness boundaries, and inner knowing in order to make someone else happy prevents you from living your own truth, no matter how much you love your partner. Unfortunately, everyone has a right to their own emotional reactions but we do not have to take responsibility for them. Sometimes, love isn't enough if it doesn't feel right or isn't working for you. Life is too short not to be living the life you deserve to be living.
If I leave, will I ever find another relationship?
This is a very real fear for many people, including myself. We cling to relationships not only because of the person but because of the fear of being alone. Let's be serious, you'll always find another relationship but the kind of relationship you find is up to you. Trying to fill a void with another relationship without doing the inner work and truly defining what's important is doing yourself a disservice. It's asking yourself what matters to you and living out those beliefs, unapologetically with or without a partner. If your current situation is not serving you then ask yourself "would I rather be in a relationship that makes me unhappy or choose to develop a happy relationship with myself and life that attracts a relationship that's right for me? You choose.
What if I make another mistake?
Truth is, my heart has been broken more times than I can count and I've also broken many hearts over the years too. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I'd rather risk a broken heart a thousand times over than to not have had those experiences at all. If we did not take risks, we'd never have anything worthwhile in life. With every relationship, I've learned something new about myself that has helped shape what I want for my life and the type of partner I want to be with. Mistakes are what make us human and being human is beautiful. To be honest, I don't believe in mistakes when it comes to relationships. I know with every relationship that doesn't work out, I'm getting closer and closer to the one that will.
I see choosing myself as a form of compassion and love. I'm worthy of the things that I desire in my life without the guilt that I was doing something wrong. Whether it's creating boundaries for small acts of self-kindness or choosing to leave a relationship that isn't working, I know following my inner voice and what feels good is taking a stand for my happiness. I don't know about you but having the power to choose how life unfolds for me is so incredibly freeing. The feelings of excitement, anticipation, and most of all hope for the unknown are what make my life worth living. If we didn't have to overcome challenges, we'd never appreciated the deliciousness of receiving what's meant for us.
It's taken a lot of courage to fight the fears that have held me back from living my truth. Choosing my happiness, listening to my inner voice, and doing what feels good for me has always been and always will be... worth the risk. Don't stop choosing yourself and what feels good because what's meant for you will appear effortlessly on your journey. You just have to choose to have the courage to take the risk.
Lots of love,
Erin xo
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You're welcome!