...But Seriously, Am I Ready To Date After Heartbreak?
Girl, you've been through hell and back.
Whether it's a divorce or breakup, you've dealt with the biggest heartbreak of your life. Heartbreak kicked your ass 100 times over but it's been a couple of months now and you've finally gotten the courage to get your life back. Not to mention, you're getting the feels to start dating again. I mean It's time to move on with your life, right? You don't want to be alone forever. But, are you really ready to take the plunge into the world of swipe culture, ghosting, love-bombing, and virtual dates?
Here are some key indicators to help you decipher whether or not you should invest time, energy, and downright sweet sanity on downloading those dating apps...
You've gone through the stages of heartbreak & still don't want your ex back.
If you haven't taken the time to go through all the stages of heartbreak then you forget dating altogether. Unfortunately, moving through the stages of heartbreak is essential to moving on. The stages in order are denial you've even broken up, doubt in yourself and the outcome, severe anger toward your ex and the situation, falling to the depths of despair because you've lost your soulmate. And finally, the acceptance that you're on your own and sh*t's just gotten real. These stages aren't something you can do overnight or take a wonder pill to fix - unfortunately, there's no app for this. You'll know you've been through them when you accept and be grateful for where you've been, where you're at, and where you're going.
You know who you are without a relationship.
After my divorce, I really struggled with this. I had based my entire identity on another person, so when I got out of it, it was like I was a complete shell of a person. I had no idea who I was or what I liked. I had no idea what type of eggs I liked - I mean everyone should know what type of eggs they like! I had to take the time to date myself and find out who I was, what I actually liked, and what made my soul light on f*cking fire. Until I was able to do that - I had no business getting into a relationship with another person. Because if you don't know who you are, then you'll never be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else. You'll just end up being what someone else wants rather than the badass woman you are.
You've got a solid schedule of commitments, friends, and hobbies
When you're ready to date, you'll have a full schedule of events in your life. When you know who you are, you're going to have hobbies that you're involved in like painting, running, writing, weekly girls nights with friends, or planning your next travel adventure - all...the..things. You have a damn full life but know that you want someone else to share it with. When you have a busy life, full of fun things you love doing, it'll allow you to schedule in date-time when YOU want to - and not according to someone else's schedule because you're free as a bird. When you're ready to date, you'll want to add someone in your life that adds to your fantastic full life, given you have time to fit them in your schedule.
You're a confident bitch who knows her boundaries.
This is a hard one to master but it's the deep and delicious icing on the cake when it comes to being in a healthy relationship. You know your worth and you're not afraid to flaunt it. Your time is valuable and your partner or relationship isn't going to have 24/7 access. You're able to stand up for yourself and able to say no. You're not frantically waiting on their every text or allowing them to blow up your phone with a zillion texts trying to figure out where you are. You know your boundaries and play by your own rules that serve you and your amazingly healthy relationship with yourself.
You're not lonely and looking for a relationship to fill a gaping void.
This one's a bit of grey area right now as we are going through a complete lockdown during a global pandemic. It's only human nature to be damn lonely. But the key is the intention you have behind the loneliness and want for a relationship. Do you feel bad and need something to make you feel better? If that's true, dating is not your answer. If you're feeling lonely, but have done all of the above then you can consider dating. Dating should not be about filling a void or fixing a hole that hasn't had a chance to be filled in. It needs to be filled with soil and cultivated for growth before you can start planting anything there.
You know what you want and won't settle.
You know what you're priorities are and what you want out of life is going to make dating a whole lot easier. Because you know what you want and where you're going, it's easier to navigate the dating pool to find your big shiny tuna. You'll be able to pick out someone who has the same values and goals as you do. Who wants the same things as you do and can throw the not so great ones back into the lake. Sorry - this fish analogy is happening. In all seriousness, if you're clear on what you want out of life, you're sure as hell to be clear on who you want to share in that big beautiful life
You've got your shit together in terms of priorities and practicality.
You've got your priorities straight which means you're well on your way to having your finances in order, your career on track, and as Destiny's Child would say, becoming an "independent woman". You're focused on building your life in all the right ways, focusing your energy on things that serve you, and you're not afraid to take risks for what you want. You're feelin' strong, secure and you know you're headed toward good things.
You've got your mind right about dating.
You're going into dating with a positive and optimistic attitude. You're not solely focused on finding someone else to complete your life, you already do that all on your own. You love your life too much to waste time on things that don't enhance it, you'd rather be alone than deal with that sh*t. You're going to head into each date with curiosity, wonder, and intrigue. Either way, you're grateful for the experience because you get to meet someone new. It may be the love of your life, a really cool person you'll date for a while, or someone who connects you to a really awesome opportunity. There's no negativity, no defensiveness, no "I've been burned vibe, so don't mess with me" in your vibe. You don't have unrealistic expectations of marrying the first person you meet or a detailed laundry list of must have's that's destined for failure. You're just simply happy to have the experiences and hopeful for an amazing connection.
Finally, you'll be absf*cklinglutely fine if it doesn't work out.
Bottom line is, you're good with your life no matter what because your relationship with yourself is so rock solid that nothing can bring it down, not even a sh*tty dating experience. You know that life is all about experiences, good or bad and you're armed to conquer them all.
So you're ready take the leap, get back on that horse and ride off into the sunset... I will give you one piece of advice. Only enter the dating scene, if you know you're ready. Life is full of surprises and most times, life happens when you're already kicking ass, creating meaningful experiences, and building your empire all on your own. Be open to new possibilities that expand and intensify your trip around the sun, and if that includes a partner then...
Get it, girl!