It's the holidays, love's in the air and you're utterly and completely single. Your gift to yourself is a large pizza, an XL bottle of wine, and Love Actually on repeat. You’ve been single for months, your last relationship ripped your heart out and you're tired of feeling alone. It's the middle of a pandemic, so you decide to start embracing the holidays and want to build a relationship with the most important person in your life - yourself. But where in the world do you start? What can you do to start cultivating a self-love practice - holiday style? What does that even mean?
You're in luck, I’ve got the handy dandy guide to helping you do just that. These 5 tried and true steps will take you on a holiday-themed inner journey to self-love like never before…Are you ready?
In order to complete this guide, you will need a journal and a pen to complete the steps provided. You gotta do the work to see changes, my friend. Good luck!
STEP ONE: Accept where you’re at even if your holly-jolly has hit rock bottom.
Unfortunately, the hardest part of this process happens first. You'll need to check in with yourself and how you feel. It's time to turn on the Bing Crosby or classical holiday tunes and really turn the volume up on your emotions.
Write every single one of those feelings down without over-thinking or erasing the answers. Confront those feelings and accept where you're at. Unfortunately, we don't have a magic wand to change our circumstances or be able to control things. The best way to get through pain is straight through it. Fully feel it, accept it, and look for ways to move forward.
Questions to ask yourself...
Are you feeling lonely?
Are you feeling sad?
Are you angry?
Do you feel unloved?
STEP TWO: Be grateful you don't have to bring a hashbrown casserole to your ex's holiday family dinner
Being single sucks during the holidays, but being single also has damn good perks. Slaving away in the kitchen, trying to put together the most delicious epic side dish for your boyfriend's highly particular mom isn't my idea of a happy holiday. Or having to drive 3 painful hours to visit his family of 50 for an entire weekend. Not my idea of fun. Consider this, you've been granted the luxurious gift of being able to enjoy your holiday - you're way. No big commitments, no big dinners, and definitely no awkward small talk with weird Uncle Joe (that's the worst!).
I was solely in charge of my holiday happiness, so I spend it how I want - even if it's chowing down on hashbrown casserole for one! List as many things about NOT having a relationship you're grateful for this holiday season. I know you can think of more than 5... I have faith in you.
STEP THREE: Give Yourself Permission to Indulge in What Gives You Joy
The holidays are my favourite time of year because I'm filled with so much joy and love. Over the past couple of years, the holidays reminded me of how alone I really was. But then I decided to change that, I decided to give myself the purest love I could possibly give, and that was through the gift of self-care.
Being able to tune in with my needs and provide what my mind and body need most. Whether that was a bubble bath with candles, reading in bed, listening to jazz music while cooking an incredible feast for myself, or going for a walk in the snow, I give myself permission to do whatever makes my heart flutter. Now, I give you permission to make a list of all the things that make you happy no matter how ridiculous or small. These things all matter and it's the best way to get to know who you are.
STEP FOUR: Become your own holiday cheer committee
Whether you're Buddy the Elf or The Grinch Who Stole Christmas there's something for everyone during the holidays. The key is you just have to find it. Building on the idea of creating more joy in your life, you're going to create new holiday traditions for yourself. What are some holiday activities you like doing? Making a gingerbread house while drinking wine? Great! Taking a stroll down main street to see the lights with Bing Crosby pumping in your ears? Amazing! Enrolling in skating lessons for adults? Courageous! Delivering presents to the less fortunate? Priceless. Being able to create your own traditions gives you a sense of confidence and ownership of your happiness. It helps you believe you're worthy of unconditional love, especially from yourself.
STEP 5: Plan your epic adventure for 2021
Goals keep us focus on what's most important and helps us discard the garbage we don't need to worry about. We keep our eyes on the prize when we have a clear, attainable goal to look forward to. When we achieve these goals we become more confident with ourselves, our choices, and our direction in life. We start to believe that we really are worthy of our desires. Now, they may not happen exactly as you envision or hoped for but what happens instead is perfectly placed for you. You can write these goals in a journal or you can start a vision board that maps out how you want your life to look - then start believing it.
Ask yourself...
What do you want to achieve/accomplish?
What are your career goals?
What type of relationship do you really want?
What trips do you want to take?
Now that you've completed all 5 steps to cultivating your own self-love practice, you've got the tools to continue these steps throughout the year - not just during the holiday season. You don't need a relationship to feel worth of holiday cheer or unconditional love. You've got that all on your own.
Share your comments below of your experiences with these steps or if you have any of your own that you'd be willing to share.
Lots of love,
Erin xo.
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